But they don't ever tell you how much time must go by first. Today has been a difficult day because as most of you know it is has been one year since my mother has passed away. It's been a roller coaster, but the unexpected also happened today: my father lost his job. Of all days for this to happen this was the worst. I feel helpless, I wish I could help my Dad. It's amazing how stress can drain your body; I feel drained today. I have many thoughts running through my head...I just got off BCP so that we can start TTC in the next couple months. I am so excited, scared, and then think of the moments I would call my mama, but I can't. It kills me that my children will never know their Grandma "Ski"...they will be missing out on so much! Her smile, her knowledge, her love, her intelligence, and her paparazzi skills. It's scary to talk about, but I know it is life. I know that one day time will heal my wounds, and I look forward to that day. The day I will be able to remember my mother as normal and not with cancer, the day when we are both on the same page with God; that will be a glorious day.
I would like to leave you with the memorial poem I displayed for my mother and sister at my wedding, it gives me much comfort to read it because it describes her to a tee.
"If daisies grow in Heaven, Lord,
please pick a bunch for me,
put them in my mama's arms
and tell her they're from me.
Tell her I love her and miss her,
and when she turns to smile
place a kiss upon her cheek
and hold her for awhile.
Remembering her is easy,
I do it everyday,
but there's an ache within my
heart that will never go away."
RIP mama 4/4/60 - 7/23/08
***Next Monday I plan on posting what I wrote and read for her funeral, it means a ton to share it with you all.