My Wedding Dress

So Kelly over at Kelly's Korner is hosting "Show us your Wedding Dress" today. I had originally fallen in love with an A-line dress weeks before this one with a price tag of $1200. Eek! But being that my mom was days away from starting chemo she couldn't go very far. So if I wanted my mother to go dress shopping with me it was David's Bridal or nothing because of the distance. I tried on numerous dresses and finally really liked two of them. My mom was in love with this dress and I was in love with the $300 price tag! The real decision was my mom taking tons of pictures of me in it...I knew the chances were slim that she would be there for my big day so I wanted to make sure she saw me in the dress I was going to wear when my daddy gave me away. In the end, I was very happy with my dress knowing that my mom was able to see it before she went home with the Lord.

***Note to self: Make sure your dress can fir through the bathroom stall at the reception hall bathroom...I kinda had a problem with that!

They say time heals all wounds

But they don't ever tell you how much time must go by first. Today has been a difficult day because as most of you know it is has been one year since my mother has passed away. It's been a roller coaster, but the unexpected also happened today: my father lost his job. Of all days for this to happen this was the worst. I feel helpless, I wish I could help my Dad. It's amazing how stress can drain your body; I feel drained today. I have many thoughts running through my head...I just got off BCP so that we can start TTC in the next couple months. I am so excited, scared, and then think of the moments I would call my mama, but I can't. It kills me that my children will never know their Grandma "Ski"...they will be missing out on so much! Her smile, her knowledge, her love, her intelligence, and her paparazzi skills. It's scary to talk about, but I know it is life. I know that one day time will heal my wounds, and I look forward to that day. The day I will be able to remember my mother as normal and not with cancer, the day when we are both on the same page with God; that will be a glorious day.

I would like to leave you with the memorial poem I displayed for my mother and sister at my wedding, it gives me much comfort to read it because it describes her to a tee.

"If daisies grow in Heaven, Lord,

please pick a bunch for me,

put them in my mama's arms

and tell her they're from me.

Tell her I love her and miss her,

and when she turns to smile

place a kiss upon her cheek

and hold her for awhile.

Remembering her is easy,

I do it everyday,

but there's an ache within my

heart that will never go away."

RIP mama 4/4/60 - 7/23/08

***Next Monday I plan on posting what I wrote and read for her funeral, it means a ton to share it with you all.

Just a bright idea

With feeling so blah lately, I figured that my blog needed a little brightening up! Yellow is my favorite color and my mama's! So in honor of all the sunshine she put in my life...I have put some in my blog. Now I just need to figure out how to make a new header, does anyone have any suggestions?

A year from yesterday

was the last time I saw my mom alive. The last time I kissed her, told her how much I loved her. On Thursday it will be a year since she lost her battle with cancer. Hard to believe that the year has gone by so quick. I think while the week ahead will be hard, I think as it passes it might be a little easier to go on. I am so lucky to have such a great support system, and was so lucky to have her for twenty-six years of my life. Yet I feel like I need her more everyday, the things I would give up to be able to hear her voice on the phone, hug her, and just sit in a room with her. I think the thing that makes it the worst is that I don't have a reason why God took her away at forty-eight...took her away from a family that still needs her so badly. These unanswered questions are the ones that tear my heart into pieces.

Happy Father's Day Daddy!

I love you more than you will EVER know! You are amazing, and I am so grateful for all you have sacrificed for our family. I pray that I can be half the parent you have been to me.

I am back

We got back late Sunday night from California. I have soooo many pictures to share! In the meantime I need to get back on the daily grind, so as soon as I have a minute I will do a vacation post. In the meantime I will leave you with a teaser of my hubby at Yosemite...

No excuse

for my almost month long hiatus, I have no excuses, except for grief. I was already to do a Mother's Day post...and just when I thought that I could handle it I hit a low point. I have been thinking way too much about her and how things should be at the moment. I didn't feel it was fair to my blogging friends to be a Debbie downer everyday. Please accept my greatest apologies.

With that behind us, I regret to inform you that I will not be able to post all next week, due to the fact we will be on vacation in California.

But until that I will leave you with this:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY to my hubby!

On June 4th, 1981 my husband came into the world. I always wondered who I would marry one day, never expecting in my wildest dreams I would get so lucky. He is my best friend, my lover, and my rock in life. We have been through deployments in Iraq, long nights being crazy, and my mother's death. I could have never got through the last year without him, and am so grateful my mama was able to go to heaven knowing I would be taken care of the rest of my life. I hope you had a wonderful birthday babe, and hope all your birthday wishes come true! "It is always better when we're together." - Jack Johnson